As we grow up, we watch TV, read magazines, walk the streets, and although we may not be aware of it, we are being subjected to these hyper-sexualised images of women. We are raised to think of this as sexuality. The casual positioning of the arm or the leg, the shapes, the colours. Our whole introduction to sexuality is predetermined by a group of marketing specialist trying to sell us a product. The problem being that sexuality isn't something to be purchased. It lays down a foundation of instability because we never fully understand this ''product'' we are being sold and also leads us to believe that our sexual encounters rely heavily on the position of the arm or the leg, the hair, the colour, not allowing us to fully experience or understand our own feelings. It also grants us to believe that our sexuality is something to be advertised in a shop window, something to be open about, providing the positioning is right. Now, just to clarify, when I talk about sexuality, I am going to talk about being sexually active, but I understand that there are varying degrees of sexuality, not all of which involve sex.
So this is introduction to sexuality 101. Most of us were teens when we first had sex and because we didn't have the mental maturity to handle sex, we just went with what we thought we knew. But then we came across this new thing which contradicts everything the media was telling us. Shaming. We like to call is slut-shaming. Society, our parents, our peers, judging and shaming us for having a sexuality. Pushing us into a further corner and limiting our access to information and our freedom to experiences, all in fear of this S word.
So now we are in our early 20's, stuck somewhere between misinformed and going insane. This is a prime period for development and learning and we are vacillating between opposing concepts. Our sexuality posted and pretty on the walls of the street, or it being hidden in our bed side drawer. What do we do?
This was where this whole 60 day challenge idea stemmed from. I kid you not. I was so exhausted from making poor sexual decisions and being stuck in this tug of war. I decided to strip myself of any sexuality in the hope that I might find a sexual identity. Having a sexual identity is the long term goal, in the interim I mostly want to learn how to communicate and interact with people without our sexualities being the elephant in the room. The obsession to go one way or the other creates so much pressure that we forget that we need human interaction to create our other identities and I want to get to know people again, learn about them, and not have my sexuality the forethought in every interaction with a potential mate.
So closing in on day 30 I can tell you that the need for sexual pleasure has lessened. I will still joke and laugh about the fact that I haven't masturbated in 30 days! That's a whole month. I haven't had sex in almost 6 months and after I am done laughing, I will feel okay with these facts.
I have many opinions when it comes to this topic. Including the different experience for girls and boys when growing up to have a sexuality, infantilization of women for more sexual desire, the porn industry and what a mess that is. But I hope the above explanation gives you a good idea of where I am heading and where I stand in making this decision.