Are we feeling zen yet?

We are coming close to the 30 day mark and I keep asking myself, Lauren, do you feel zen yet?

To be frank... the answer is no.

Exasperated and a little bit grumpy I have been waiting for zen to just happen. Alas, not going to just happen. And to be honest, I am not so naive to think it will just appear in front of me like my weekly subscription to Vogue, but I was hoping something might have changed or progressed positively in this time.

I have arrived at a place where I am questioning all my decisions. Its like I have climbed half way up Everest and I am trying to decide whether the peak is really going to be that spectacular. I mean it is a lot of work to get up to the summit and what happens if I reach it and someone else's flag is already dug deep in. Would it have all been in vein? Should I just start back down the hill?

I wish I was being less negative about this experience and accepting that there is so much baggage to dump before boarding the plane to Zen. The weight in the bag will lessen gradually and with each week I will gain a more positive perspective. And in the meantime I will just continue along to the terminal, letting the feelings guide me through the next 30 days.

Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. My 60 day challenge embodies mind, body and spirit and I feel as though they are wandering different astral planes at the moment.

Waking in the middle of the night in sweats after having another vivid nightmare, I tear the images back one by one and try to construct an answer or an understanding of what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Remembering the dreams are like holding water in my cupped hands, it lingers, but eventually it finds the crack and slips away. The words and images escape me but the feelings cling to me, persistent, a nagging reminder that something is not right.

Meditation helps, but I honestly haven't reached the part where meditation means silence from my own chatter. Its a constant blah up there and no amount of self reasoning can calm the conversations. 

I am in a place between now and tomorrow. Now I am who I am, someone who I am closely acquainted with, but tomorrow is someone who is learning and growing and becoming a different individual. I am terrified. After standing stagnant in one attitude for so long, exploring the world from this perspective has left me blind sighted. 

The detox process leaves you crippled. Not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually, but I know this is the hardest part, tomorrow gets brighter and leads me to a better place of understanding.

I promise to be more diligent in blogging my progress and will start sharing some of my delicious, vegan recipes.

And so it begins...

So today is the first day of '60 Days of Zen'.

I ate a dozen eggs in preparation for the next 60 days without. I made lemon meringue pie and chocolate brownies. Woke up this morning really excited for the next two months, but also a little nervous. I have received so much support from my friends and I am so glad that they will be here if things get tough.

Week 1 challenge is to go to the Fresh Food markets and buy 1 of everything I don't know and then cook with it and eat it.

So excited

Stay Tuned...

60 Days of Zen

I have been feeling a bit flat lately. Like I have been steam rolled with emotion. So I have decided to embark on a new challenge.

60 Days of Zen.

Goal : Zen

Challenge: 60 days committed to the following
- Vegan Diet
- No Alcohol
- Juicing
- Minimizing my intake of preservatives
- Meditation once a day
- Abstaining from All sexual activity
- Reading something once a day. Including poetry, news, books, quotes.
- Blogging about my experiences and my journey every 3 days
- No Coffee
- No negativity to the best of my ability
- Spending as much time as possible getting down with mother nature
- seeing a naturopath to get my daily dose of vitamins sorted

Its about spiritually cleansing as well as physically cleansing. It's time to change habits and start a new and exciting journey. Learning about myself, my body and healing. I want to commit to my Reiki and just find myself spiritually again. No excuses.

Clock starts Monday 14th  October.

Following my Yellow Brick Road

A very creative, talented writer told me this week that the key to finding creativity is to source it through other forms of art and expression. She said 'go to the art gallery or go to a show', then with a wave of her hands she said 'Or climb a tree'. We both laughed and I replied saying I would climb the tree. Even though we laughed at the idea of climbing the tree, there was a magical sense to the carefree fearlessness of scampering up a tree and finding a nice comfortable spot to ponder the world. So I climbed a tree. And you know what I found? It's really uncomfortable in a tree. There is bark that sticks up your butt and leaves that fall down your shirt and as I was sitting there trying to ponder the world and trying hopelessly not to fall out of the tree, it dawned on me. The lesson to learn from climbing the tree is a lesson of thankfulness. We spend so much time trying to get more more more, when what we have right in front of us is enough and far more comfortable then being stuck up a tree.

I'm not saying the being ambitious and having goals is a bad thing. I'm saying that when you follow the yellow brick road, instead of picking up every character on the way and trying to make them your own, pick one. Be great at it. Or just be thankful that you have it, and you have a home and family and a roof over your head. Dreams are scary and it is so easy to become overwhelmed by the idea of this one big dream you have and to try and find every small possibility to try at something else. Something easier and something more realistic. But if the scarecrow wanted a brain, and chose a heart instead, he would still be stuck on that damned yellow brick road waiting for Dorothy.Well I decided I wanted a brain, figuratively speaking, so I dumped all that other characters behind me and set a course for some new exciting chapters. I may have turned green this week and lost my ruby red slippers, aka my mind, but I'm back. So I found some inspiration and am going to do some baking today.

Coincidently I ended up seeing a show last night...The Wizard of Oz (with a twist). I wrote this before making plans to see it. When reflecting at what I wrote I decided it was all meant to be. Well the kitchen is calling, will follow up when baked and decorated.

30 Day Challenge

So my 30 Day Challenge is finally over...For those not following me on Facebook (FOLLOW ME!) I declared that I would embark on a journey to rid my life of unnecessary possessions. Aka my clothes. My beloved, treasured, adored clothes. I'm obsessed, I won't deny it. Clothes can be empowering, encouraging, a safety net and although there is still a part of me that believes all of this, there is also a part that admits they are a band aid, covering the real issues with outrageous, sparkly fabrics. Any one who has watched 'Confessions of a Shopoholic' would understand what I mean. I may have watched it a couple of times this month, just reminding myself that there is a big shiny light at the end. Aka Isla Fisher and Hugh Dancy getting together. Yay.
So the journey began to rid myself of the baggage. 30 days, 1 wardrobe, 1 fabulous individual...if I do say so myself and a determination to wear every single item in that one month. Anything not worn, was going to be given to Vinnies.

Well...

Lauren: 0 Vinnies: approx 40. 

It wasn't overly successful. To start things off, there are 31 days in July. It took me a month to realise this. Then there were the clothes themselves. There were lots of fabulous moments, but my wardrobe and my heart and soul took a beating. As I promised I will pass these clothes on, doesn't mean it hurts any less. So you can have an idea of my month I have saved a few photos. 

In the middle of the month I did attend Splendour in the Grass. So much fabulous was distributed that weekend, but I am yet to develop my photos so that will have to wait.
For now, just please sit and enjoy my general fabulousness. It is my word, my being, my essence and I am so proud to say that I Am Fucking Fabulous.

Give this challenge a go. Its fun.

The Cake for Nobody....

I really just wanted to show off my new cake...made for no reason at all what so ever. Sometimes when you feel really crappy, the only way to find a release is to get your hands dirty in the most delicious way...

And in the most beautiful way. Simply Chocolate, Banana and Butterscotch. Can't always make the right decisions in life....but let's be honest, cake is Always the right decision.