An Honest Encounter

So I have been spending a lot of time trying to find motivation for my new post. I really want to share the party I did on the weekend but every time I put something down in writing it sounds like blah blah cupcake, blah blah boring.
Then it hit me like a tonne of bricks to the face. Motivation. Motivation....
Even the word confuses me and to be truthful I am not talking solely about the motivation to write or to create. I mean the motivation that gets you out of bed in the morning and makes you do something with your life.
Let me tell you a little something about myself. I am a stubbornly independent woman, and yet the only person I am constantly trying to convince of that is myself. It is not logical. I have the motivation one day to get up and get the job done and then the next day I can hardly convince myself to get out of bed at all.

September 7 2012 was my 23rd birthday and the day that I consider I officially turned my life around. Sick of pathetic people swarming my existence I turned my back on the negativity and I thought that it was forever. I changed my lifestyle, my attitude and reaped the benefits of it. And then just like that old habits started to slowly make there way back in, negative friends started to inhabit my social outings, bad choices became regular choices. What happened? I'm serious, what the heck happened?
You know I woke up one morning and looked at myself in the mirror and realized that the person I was looking at, wasn't the person I knew. It is terrifying some mornings getting up and not know what person you will be faced with. I mean is this a turning point that every 20 something year old faces, or is this a life long battle that I will constantly have to fight. To be the person I am constantly battling against, or to be the person I want to be.
I have this one friend who is just amazing. He inspires me every time he opens his mouth, he has faced battles in his life that I couldn't even begin to comprehend and yet he always appears to be this amazingly strong willed pioneer of greatness. And I know we are told from a young age that we can be whoever we want to be. Is that really true? I believe that the mind is the most powerful tool, but how on earth do I take control of it. How can I truly be a believer that my mind is the most powerful tool I own when I spend so much time up there playing tug of war.
I was given a pretty sharp reality check when I was a kid, overhearing a conversation about my dreams and hopes and the realities of it coming true. It still stings to think that someone close to me didn't believe that I could be what I wanted to be, and it changed my ideas on life for such a long time. I felt so sorry for myself that I didn't have support to be what I wanted to be, the only thing I was good at. It made me be independent because it was a reminder that you only have you. I must admit that as I have grown older I have faced this demon and mostly put it to rest. I take the sting and accept it as a challenge and yet I still find myself struggling to fully and honestly believe myself. Holding on to some of the resentment that has held its own in my emotions for such a long time. And on the note why is it that the people we are closest to are the first ones we hurt. Is this human nature or am I just an asshole?
I have So many beliefs in life, like you get what you put out and what goes around comes around and some things happen for a reason. And yet when I look at my life I am terrified by those very beliefs because if they are true then I don't really like my reflection.
Please don't misunderstand, I have some wonderful people in my life that a cherish with every ounce of me, but I do fear the reflection...my reflection.
It scares me posting this tonight, it is very honest and a little disjointed and I fear says a lot about me which could be judged, about the person I am and my many insecurities. I promise to share the party with you super soon, it was a truly magical night and will not be forgotten any time soon.

Getting the Creative Juices Flowing

Whoo. What a week it's been. So many things happening, so much creative juice flowing.

I embarked on a journey. One filled with wood, saw dust, nails, paint, more paint, paint Everywhere! At one point I had paint in my nose and in my eye and I've been trying to get it out of my hair for days.

My lovely little niece turned two last week. I posted her birthday cake last week, but being the best Aunty in the world, it wasn't enough to merely provide an outrageously fabulous cake. No. I had to step it up this year. So it all began with a plan. Pen, paper and with the help of my amazing Grandad, some dimensions.



I initially wanted to make it from a cupboard so I would have a solid foundation to work with, but it really ended up being easier to build it from scratch. So we did. Grandad got the wood and we went ahead and cut it to our dimensions. Now let me tell you something about the Grandad. He is the most amazing, supportive, intelligent, caring man and I love him like Crazy! But boy oh boy is he a control freak. Which I find very stressful because I am also a control freak. I was so grateful for his help that I let him take the lead, but it took all of my patience and strength not to lose my head and take control. Regardless of our power struggle, well my power struggle, we finally got the wood cut and the foundation built.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't allowed to use the saw, but I totally got to nail and glue this bad boy together.

All we had left to do was paint and decorate! I enjoyed painting far to much! There was paint everywhere. I seriously still have it in my hair. I thought white. Just classic, simple and she can chop and change it as she gets bigger. I managed to ruin a pair of jeans and a shirt, but then decided it was going to be a fashion statement anyway so rocked them to work, much to my grandparents horror. I just went out and got some bits a pieces and threw it together.

 

 The final product being a wonderful surprise where we played make up and Aunty Lolly was lucky enough to get a full make over.





 

So whilst all this was going on, I was also busy busy busy in the kitchen. I had a friends birthday party on Saturday and then I had my nieces party on Sunday, Not to mention mothers day!

My friends party on Saturday was a casual doo with friends and having supplied cupcakes for other parties the pressure was on to make something new. All day long all I could hear was the pounding, repetitive rhythm of 'Under Pressure'. I may not have made it through without my amazing mum and housemate who managed to make sure I didn't lose my head and gave me the inspiration for a new cupcake.

For a different texture I tried a new recipe for a fairy cake and what amazing little treasures they turned out to be. I thought fairy cake with a meringue, use the torch to brown the top, how hard could it be? .... Four batches of meringue later I sat on the floor and almost gave up (maybe cried a little bit). The damn moisture from the rain was ruining my meringue. It was runny and wouldn't pipe and I just wanted to give up. But with some encouraging words I got off the floor and worked something out. They were pretty fabulous, and such a perfect mouthful of absolute loveliness. Small enough to be enjoyed by even those on the strictest of diets and not so sweet that I needed a glass of water/beer to wash it down. For those that had a little more of a sweet tooth I went all out with a Neapolitan mound of gooey goodness. Chocolate cupcakes, Vanilla Buttercream, Strawberry American Style Fluff. Oh man. Wow. There aren't many words to describe how decedent it was. There are only so many times I can use the word fabulous. I've decided to call them Naughty Neapolitans. Anyway, here are some pictures, hopefully they will do it justice!



Fairycake Batter



Naughty Neapolitans



Raspberry Meringue Fairycakes



I had to call it a night around 11pm, head home to bed whilst everyone went out to paint the town red. I had a very special mum to make a very special brekkie for, under her strict instruction of course.

We made individual quiches. It was a wonderful breakfast. My housemate contributed  with vegan crepes, dark chocolate and banana. Drool. It was so lovely! Our quiches were just bacon and egg and balsamic tomatoes with a cracked egg on top. They looked so rustic, which is something that I really enjoy. I love eating with my eyes. They were not overly healthy with the filo pastry and bacon but for this special occasion it was totally worth it.

My last job, but certainly not my least important job, was a cupcake flowerpot for the Mad Hatters tea party for all the kids. I kept it simple with chocolate and vanilla. What a mess it was making the rose bush! I pinned and re pinned the roses on the ball and then probably pinned them again! I had to re-ice at least 5 cupcakes but finally I got the pattern down pat. I think this is such a lovely idea and something that I could use again and again for allIdifferent types of parties. It was so lovely listening to the oos and ahhs as I came down the driveway. I can assure you they were ooing and ahhing over the cake, because i had icing Everywhere. On my shirt, fingers, pants, car, car seats haha there was even a man down on the way to the party. The pavement has that cake now.

But I'll tell you, it was all worth it.

The whole crazy weekend was a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs! I'm so blessed with the family and adopted family I'm surrounded by. So much support and someone to pick me up when I'm sitting on the floor crying over terrible meringue. It's over, but only to be followed by a massive order for Friday night, as we celebrate the engagement of my dear friend Hollie and Max.

I'll give you the details after the big day. I'm nervous and excited to see how far I can push myself and how big and fabulous I can make it for an old friend. Stay tuned ....



Food for Thought

One of my passions in life is creating small portions of decidance. Individual, over indulgent, moments of pure joy. My favourite sound is that muffled moan from a far. Someone biting into something you have created that is so beautiful, and not being able to contain there enjoyment, a small groan, escaping like a whisp of smoke from a smouldering log. These are the smalls things in life that bring us joy. But how much is too much?

I recently met with a friend who has lost a staggering 28kg. She really looks amazing. She changed her lifestyle and we both got talking about the changes needed to succeed. I know I have already gone on my boring dietitian rant, but her success really got me thinking about what the average joe needs when it comes to working out a diet. I'm not talking radical juice fasts or low carb, high protein. I'm talking about finding the balance.

To me, the balance is a place. Rolling green hills and waterfalls. I've always associated it with mythical lands where birds help you get dressed in the morning and there is an evil queen and a happily ever after.  And whenever I feel like I have achieved this balance, it is like a magic garden, where your body is a tree and your roots are stable and your leaves strong and vibrent. Finding it is the hard part! Witches hand you candy apples and you get so lost and confused in the haunted forrest with whispers and misleading information. And all your emotional baggage and how you have formed a relationship with food leads you to the hidden trap where dwarfs snap you in a cage and laugh at your misfortune. I am getting away with my imagination so I will get back to the point I am trying to make.

We need to create a healthy relationship with food.

The psychology of food is really interesting. How we relate to what we eat, the thought process of when we eat and how much we eat. Let's first talk about this idea of 'Emotional Eating'
Come on, we are All guilty of it. We have all watched Bridgette Jones's Diary when she doesnt get the guy and she goes home and devours 1000 calories of Ben and Jerrys. We have even used this as justification and an excuse to eat our feelings. When did feeling become such a problem, so much of a problem that we need to bandaid any emotion with eating. It's an unhealthy idea that has been put into our heads and is not a natural association. Eating doesn't make a bad situation better, if you struggle with your weight then its going to make it harder. Disassociate your feelings from your food. The mind is such a powerful tool and you can train it to do whatever you want. Take control and break the link.
Another one I have personally had to struggle with is 'The Reward.' Rewarding your actions with food. Rewarding your kids and your friend with food for that  matter. Why can't we reward eachother with encouragement? Reward ourselves with love? I'm going to be really honest. Just because you went to the gym once this week, it does not mean its okay for you to over eat or drink. Again, it is all about using the most powerful tool we own, our minds. Train your thoughts in a new direction, create a new relationship.

I understand that finding the healthy relationship and the balance is difficult, it can sometimes seem like a fairytale, but I promise that at the end is a wonderful place. A place of achievement and success. Next time you want to have a cheat day, or you think you deserve a chocolate bar, think about it. Doesn't your body deserve love and health and nutrients. Sometimes you will fall, we all fall, there is no shame in falling. But it's all about the comeback. Learn to Love your food, love it without all the baggage!

Now for something a little more fabulous

For my Beautiful Niece turning 2 day. All my love Nanni, Your Lolly

Inspiration

Today wasn't a good day. It took me 2 hours into my shift for me to realize that I hadn't even brushed my hair. I had a stain on my jeans and a dribble down my shirt. I wanted to crawl under the desk and find a hole of happiness where I could reflect. Unfortunately crawling under your desk to find salvation isn't so commonly accepted in normal society. Today wasn't a good day.
We all have ways of coping with days like today. Sometimes I run and sometimes I cook. I always cook, but it takes on a new meaning, it provides me with the drive to create something that changes my perspective and outlook on the world and on my life. Today it was the people that inspire me, that make me laugh and don't mention that fact that I rock up with a birds nest in my hair. Or tell me that I do have a birds nest and openly laugh at me. So for my theme tonight I went for fish and fortune cookies.
My fish friends are a my close friends, some of my fondest memories with them are mackie wraps with dirty hangovers, i knew that if they saw me today, they would crack straight into a joke about how terrible i looked. I mean I had people ask me today how I came down with the flu so quickly, shocked I had become so sick so fast. I played along, because admitting to them that I just didn't have my face on was horrifying. So i smiled and made some pathetic coughing noise and went along with the story. I thought about the fact that they would laugh and then I would laugh and the stress of not looking my best wouldn't matter anymore. Because the people that really love you don't require your rock star good looks. It gave me the warm and fuzzies.
I wanted my salmon skin to be super crispy. So i peeled it off before putting my fish in the oven and continued to cook it, like a fish crackling. For the rest of the dish I stir fried some veggies. Presentation can really make all the difference. So even though I may not have looked my best today, my fish looked damn good. The end result being delicious and well presented.

I made cupcakes for dessert. I have been wanting to try a new recipe but also wanted to throw all my love into this batch so i could share that love with the people I love and the ones who inspired it.
A green tea cupcake with lemon cream cheese icing. I won't share this particular recipe because I know I can find a better one that really brings through that bitter, green, earthy taste, I think I'll just share their story.

People come into your life like a blinding light. Some fade and some burn so bright it hurts your eyes. Others just give off that warm glow that hits you straight in the heart and reminds you to be good and always look for the good. They remind you to smile and to speak your mind and to be proud of your emotions and the way you feel and the way you are. I have stumbled across a few in my time that really bring all this home. They always surprise me, I sometimes forget that people can be good and that they care and I'm so grateful to have them come into my lives and welcome them with open arms, an open mind and an open heart, and I just hope I can give back to them what they so readily and easily give me. And if not, there are always cupcakes.
So I just started with all this in my head. Over thinking it as usual. I baked tonight using few utensils. No electric mixer, no beaters. Just a wooden spoon and a bowl. It felt so real and took so much more time and I really had to put my heart and soul and arm strength into making them. They may not taste as I originally planned but it doesn't even matter. What I ended up with was just as good. Because I know the work that went into them and it shines through and makes them delicious. Delicious with love.

So these ones are for all of them... (there are more)

And then this one was for me...

Scared of the Dark ?

Are we really in the dark about what is good for us?
I know what your thinking, this blog has cupcake in the title, what would she know about nutrition and what's good for you, but don't be fooled, my body is my temple.
I have been participating in a 6 week challenge, boot camp style. There is lots of running, sweating, yelling and of course the old tug of war. As part of this journey to rock hard abs and a Hercules like boyfriend, we have been provided with advice from a dietitian. I was skeptical going in, it's my nature, but I sat there in good faith hoping that she would tell me the miracle cure to fat, or at least something new. The new coconut water, or perhaps a wild Amazonian berry. What I got instead was the same robot answer we have been provided with for the last 20 years, presented in the same robot way. It was boring and uninspiring.
The fact is, the information she provided us with was solid, good information, we have had it drilled into us since birth on the News, in the newspapers, in all the mags, WE GET IT! I think what we don't get is how to use this boring ass information and turn it into something inspired and new. Is most of the population overweight because we are not being taught how to cook good food that is fun, that tastes good, and that is healthy? Are we just uninspired? We have the facts, why can't we put them into practice?
With all this in mind I set out with my housemate this weekend to create something that tasted good, but was also really healthy (and Vegan for him).
I can't take credit for the salad, but boy will I share it with you because it was the perfect way to add a little something something to the side of the plate without adding a little something something to the thighs.
Ingredients: Beans, Sesame seeds, Baby Beets (tinned), lemon and garlic. Blanch the beans, add some lemon and garlic, mix with seeds and beets and you are done. This salad was so fresh and light and added so much to our dish that it was incredible that it could be that easy.
I think this is a really important thing to take note of. It Doesn't Have To Be Hard. Stop watching MKR, you don't have to cry and yell and sweat profusely and cry a little more to create a spectacular dish.
For the other part of our meal we had a clean version of 'bubble and squeak'. My dad used to make this dish when I was a kid. He would get all the left overs in the fridge and mix it all up and fry it on the pan. His version gives me images of clogged arteries and heart attacks, but it doesn't have to be that way.
We used red sweet potato and all the left over veggies in the fridge. Shallots, mushrooms, garlic etc. It was so simple and left both of us stuffed couch potatoes. We had created something so good, which we both enjoyed and left us satisfied, and I didn't wake up the next day filled with the eaters remorse.
It really is like being scared of the dark, it's not that dark that you're afraid of, it's the unknown.
I hope that along with my sweet treats I can inspire you to get creative in the kitchen for meal times. It's the best game i play at home. Think of your favourite meal. Now think of how you can make it healthy and clean by using fresh product.
Its time to turn the night light off and face your fears.

Now, with all that said I am going to bake some cupcakes :)

Finding the Pearfect Match

Lets talk about the perfect match. 

Pears are easy! Wine, Water, Sugar and Spice. On your marks, get ready, Poach. 

The hardest part is not drinking all the wine when you start feeling depressed about your own perfect match situation. 

Don't be afraid to play with your spice. Mix them and match them and get something exciting going. Find something perfect for you. To be honest, today I used vanilla and cinnamon. Hypocritical... perhaps. Basic... a little. But delicious, Yes! 

My reason being, my true intention of todays poach was to mastermind a cupcake creation. My mind was on a purely aesthetic path, I wanted to create something beautiful, but I didn't want that to take away from the experience of eating the pear or the cake. So I threw the crazy aside and went with something classic to warm even the coldest of hearts.

Presenting My Poached Pear Crumble Cupcake

It truly was a pearfect match! 

Maybe i fell a little too hard and hit my head

After all the hype and the excitment of my first blog entry dwindled, I set my mind to creating some cool concepts for my future entries. Admittidly I sat up way past my bedtime trying to breakdown what it was that I truly wanted from this space and just exactly how much I wanted to share. Like a mother leaving her child on the first day of school, I clutch my babies (recipes) to my chest and smother them in love (bossoms) reluctent to let them go, a fear of which I intend to overcome. And yes, you may read that and think I'm a little nuts, I did warn you! But i thought I might share just how far the crazy goes.

After the voices quietened down I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep where I was transported to a place I am very familiar with. Having always had a vivid imagination, my dreams have always been on the wild and wacky side but somehow they alway bring back the raw emotion that I am having trouble perceiving in my consciousness. Well last night was no exception.

I was plonked in the middle of a fish market, catching fish, but these fish werent just normal fish. These fish were HUGE. Thankfully i wasn't handed the job of removing the eyes, but these big huge eyes were just slapped in front of me and lets be real, fish eyes are gross! It was my job to take these giant fish, so slimy and gross and turn them into a beautiful cake, iced, decorated and ready to sell. I was so stressed taking something essentially so disgusting and raw and trying to transform it into something new and fresh.

I woke up and had a laugh at the ridiculousness of my dream and then took a step back and had a think, being unable to hide from my own emotions being slapped in front of me like that big slimy fish eye. What is my blog about? What do I want to achieve? What will my readers want? How did I become so obsessed with making cake???????

So after a day of contemplation I decided to take the most simple route of doing whatever comes naturally to me. I'll let you know how I feel, how much I decide to share and if you want anything from me just Holla. Post piccis, tag them, write about your experiences, lay it all out because 'Honesty is the Best Policy'

 

Just a quick side note, for any of my taste testers today, thanks for the love, it never goes unnoticed and nothing gives me more joy then hearing that muffled groan from a couple of cubicles away.

 

Ill post some goodies soon.