Friday, 25 October 2013

Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. My 60 day challenge embodies mind, body and spirit and I feel as though they are wandering different astral planes at the moment.

Waking in the middle of the night in sweats after having another vivid nightmare, I tear the images back one by one and try to construct an answer or an understanding of what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Remembering the dreams are like holding water in my cupped hands, it lingers, but eventually it finds the crack and slips away. The words and images escape me but the feelings cling to me, persistent, a nagging reminder that something is not right.

Meditation helps, but I honestly haven't reached the part where meditation means silence from my own chatter. Its a constant blah up there and no amount of self reasoning can calm the conversations. 

I am in a place between now and tomorrow. Now I am who I am, someone who I am closely acquainted with, but tomorrow is someone who is learning and growing and becoming a different individual. I am terrified. After standing stagnant in one attitude for so long, exploring the world from this perspective has left me blind sighted. 

The detox process leaves you crippled. Not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually, but I know this is the hardest part, tomorrow gets brighter and leads me to a better place of understanding.

I promise to be more diligent in blogging my progress and will start sharing some of my delicious, vegan recipes.

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