Monday, 11 November 2013

Are we feeling zen yet?

We are coming close to the 30 day mark and I keep asking myself, Lauren, do you feel zen yet?

To be frank... the answer is no.

Exasperated and a little bit grumpy I have been waiting for zen to just happen. Alas, not going to just happen. And to be honest, I am not so naive to think it will just appear in front of me like my weekly subscription to Vogue, but I was hoping something might have changed or progressed positively in this time.

I have arrived at a place where I am questioning all my decisions. Its like I have climbed half way up Everest and I am trying to decide whether the peak is really going to be that spectacular. I mean it is a lot of work to get up to the summit and what happens if I reach it and someone else's flag is already dug deep in. Would it have all been in vein? Should I just start back down the hill?

I wish I was being less negative about this experience and accepting that there is so much baggage to dump before boarding the plane to Zen. The weight in the bag will lessen gradually and with each week I will gain a more positive perspective. And in the meantime I will just continue along to the terminal, letting the feelings guide me through the next 30 days.

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